The Importance of Human Contact!

The first week of the Tier 4, time went really slow, it took some time visually to adapt to the shops being closed again; not seeing anybody around. Long term I actually enjoyed it as I found more food inside the supermarket, I didn't have to go at a specific time inside to get what I wanted. I didn't have to worry about people walking too closely as it was so quiet, like I have to now. Sadly, more shops shut for good during lockdown while other shops have adapted as click and collect or take-aways only. In comparison to the first lockdown, there were slightly more people about and it was very busy in the park. It is the first kind of a lockdown in winter and I have noticed that neighbours have disappeared, I have not seen them as much as in the first lockdown. If it wasn't for chatting to my friends online I think I would have felt isolated and the weather has been cold and rainy all day every day, one feels like being stuck inside of tank with no light. To amuse each other the other day, me and my friend started looking at kitchen mittens on Amazon, we were scrolling through pages and pages of kitchen mittens, so I said to my friend via Zoom we are really scraping the barrel here, we spent an hour just finding some kitchen mittens as a present for my other friend, we were laughing and we said to each other: If someone ask me how I survived the pandemic of 2020 I would say by spending hours checking out kitchen mittens, there is an endless selection of them on Amazon! Yes, because generally in a crisis one is told by the government to help others, this time we have been told to do nothing and stay at home, which feels really unnatural to me and I am sure to many others. I would rather be outside volunteering, helping others, even my volunteering has died down, as have all my Christmas parties which have been cancelled.

A couple of days before Christmas, I am happy I have finally been able to see my neighbours outside to have a chat and see how everybody is doing. We exchanged presents so things are looking more positive. Did a round at the supermarket and it was all stocked up so no need to panic buy, frankly as a nation I think we could do with eating less and the supermarkets should be selling smaller portions. Because the Port of Dover was closed over the last couple days, the French Government decided to put a ban on freight coming in. People over here were panicking, things seem to have calmed down and the border has re-opened and it seems we have got a deal, till the next crisis comes along! We seem unable to go out without a crisis at the moment! 

 

I am looking forward to Christmas day, to have a nice meal, opening presents despite all the fearmongering from the government. We have been put in Tier 4 but the rules don’t really apply to the people in Government so a lot of people are just not following the rules, they are fed up. I bumped into a couple of friends by chance in the street, so it was really good to have a chat. The pandemic is reminding me how important human contact is, it can’t be replaced by a session on Zoom, but it is good to keep in touch regularly with people by whatever medium. It is about supporting each other, being there for others. I am grateful to my friends; who have made the last long 9 months more bearable and vice versa. Several people have told me that since being in lockdown and not seeing people enough, they are struggling with talking, so I made a point to call them regularly and to speak to them as long as possible. Lockdowns, tier 4 whatever you want to call it, can give long-term mental health problems, some people can retreat within themselves, which is not healthy.

I am just happy coffee shops are open for take-aways. I support them and local businesses. It’s nice to sit in the park with a good coffee at hand while still seeing people about getting some exercise.

 

Then there has been the saga with the mouse in my flat. I woke up one morning and I found my Christmas presents eaten by a rodent as well as the wrapping paper, the neighbour next door has been complaining about rodents for the past year at least, although we have never had them in my flat. I think what’s been happening is that all the building work in the opposite building has unearthed the land there and is sending mice towards our building. A friend of mine told me that the same thing happened outside her building last year, when they were doing major building work. Anyway, I have bought some electronic ultrasound and it seems the mouse has not been back but as a precaution I have moved most of my paper artwork, photographs I have made into  my friend’s garage. Mice and rats can eat anything! Just the thought of a mouse sending all my artwork to smoke gave me nightmares. This on top the lockdown crisis, the Covid crisis, the Brexit crisis and now the Dover crisis and possibly the food crisis and civil unrest after Christmas … anything else???!! It was a real joy to move most of my stuff just before Christmas!

 

All the while thinking yes that I am in a nice flat in a good area with friendly flatmate, but I am monitoring daily the mice situation on top of the damp situation which has not been fixed properly and it keeps raining... I really don’t know in which realm of Dante’s Hell we are going to be in 2021, I try not to think about it too much, plenty of stirring from the media already. For me, in 2021, I would like to have an art studio where I can focus on painting and wandering around central London like things were before the pandemic.

Covid… Let’s Make It Through To Winter!

The summer flew by … we had a long summer and it is weird to say this but it was good in spite of Corona. I was fine till about a month ago but the fact that I can't go to galleries, museums, restaurants, bars or the gym has had an effect on my mental health somehow. I didn't even realise there was a problem but then I started feeling excluded from many activities that have reopened, especially the gym, so I have been experiencing isolation. Why do I not join in? How am I going to self-isolate with the builders outside that have not stopped working since March with such high noise levels? It would be challenging to say the least to self-isolate in a tiny environment in a shared household. So I have been avoiding the general public as much as possible.

I have recently seen a friend at a distance who I have not seen in six months and I have to admit it was great but nerve wracking at the same time. We were both worrying about standing too close to each other and about where to eat. We were wondering if the ventilation was good enough in the coffee shop. Did they wash the crockery with a dishwasher? Did the waiter wear a mask and gloves? So, in the end we decided not to go in and we just bought a takeaway and a coffee and went to the park. It was a freezing cold, rainy day, we were looking at each other in disbelief, worried, saying how are we going to manage a dark, cold winter without sitting inside coffee shops?! We used to spend the winter inside coffee shops all the time to chat, to work, now we can't! I said to her, I can't go to the gym, and I hate it. Also, the fact that my friend and I were not able to hug and kiss was weird. We gave each other a virtual, distanced hug, we discussed how everybody is confused about regulations given by the Government and is doing a different thing, and how many people feel frustrated that everyone is doing different things. One day the Government says to do one thing, the following day they say the opposite, it's been very unsettling.

Also there have been more crimes and assaults on women lately (a woman got assaulted in an area I walk in normally so it's unnerving), antisocial behaviour and violent crimes have been on the up lately. Last week I went to the park to walk late in the afternoon and there was a huge fight between two large groups of boys, they were screaming and hurling things at each other… I quickly turned back... Another day I went to the supermarket, it was Saturday and there was a boy on top of the roof of the car park who was throwing stones and hitting passers-by. Luckily I saw him so I didn't get hit. Then there are drunken people screaming and running around till the early hours. I bought myself a new set of ear plugs, they are wonderful and really do help reducing the noise outside apart from building work, I mean there is a general air of lunacy at the moment… I am happy painting, reading and listening to music.

This Government of the wealthy, that can travel, they can self-isolate, they live in mansions, they have plenty of space to do what they want, they have not been following the rules that they set up either, they have a set of rules for themselves and another for everybody else, they are out of touch. The Government are going to fine people (the plebs) who don't self-isolate implying that people don't want to self-isolate, which might not really be the case at all. It might be that some people live in multi-occupancy shared spaces and don't have the actual space to self-isolate, live in rooms with no windows, or windows that don't open; or actually several people live in dormitories which makes it impossible for them to self-isolate. This is due to years and years of high rents and some greedy landlords packing as many people as possible in tiny flats or houses to make more money. This is capitalism gone mad. I have seen ads online for a room in a small house that already had ten people, I am thinking, where do they put all these people?! I have seen ads for a tiny room with two or three beds inside, those ads should be banned but they haven't, they are still advertised.

It is an issue that has not been dealt with by successive governments, it's been going on for years and is now coming to bite us back because with so many people in small spaces, Covid will spread more easily. Instead of acknowledging this issue, the Government is not giving the population rules they can manage, they are setting impossible, unworkable standards that some people just can't follow, and then fining them. But then they do nothing about criminals normally or antisocial behaviour, but they are going to go after a random individual if they somehow are at fault with the new rules while real criminals don't care about rules, they use the opportunity to keep doing more of what they are doing. 

In spite of all of this, I have been selected for another photography project in London and my lockdown diary will be part of a show in a Museum here in England. I have also been selected to show my work online in Japan, collectors have been asking me for more paintings so from the creative side I am going forward as normal as possible.

Generally I find solutions and I move forward, but this time I sometimes don't, these are unprecedented times. So I go in days where I’m tense and other days when I can focus more on what I care about.

On Saturday I took the bus and it was more full than normal and I felt very anxious, luckily I was able to get out and get on another less busy bus but I was surprised by my reaction. 

So I am just taking a day at a time. 

It's interesting also how the media has been bombarding us with Covid news and fear of what the Government will do next. It is affecting what we do, causing some people to feel anxious outside. 

What made me laugh the other day on zoom is that one of my friends said he was scared to go back to the office and he would take a sleeping pill to calm his nerves before going in, while my other friend said, I am just drinking myself to sleep on a daily basis. And I said, that’s what it's come to!! While my friend in Paris was panicking that they have not renewed her visa and that she has not spoken to a soul face-to-face in ages and she has put on weight as well. And I said, I’ve got an underactive thyroid in winter, my thyroid is working twice as hard to produce anything even with the medication let alone all this Covid stress! So all of us are affected by this in different ways.

 

 

My Latest Photographs - Art and Sound Installation for Margate Pride 2020.

By walking on the Pilgrims Way I re-discovered the old route, the old way of travelling on foot but not experienced as going towards a sacred place but rather for the walk itself, being outside as sacred, as expression of my own freedom and by going further with no map and getting lost so to experience the surrounding environment in a new way, in a more spontaneous way, which was not possible during lockdown. You can come back to the photo and have a different perspective on it depending whether you are in a lockdown or not. I have been focusing on really looking closely, noting what is generally overlooked and reconnecting with nature.

I was selected to participate in a contributive art and sound installation for Margate Pride 2020.

See also: https://margatepride.org.uk

https://www.facebook.com/themargateschool/

https://margateradio.co.uk/saturday-080820/1pwqt84jl3qi8w6jht0z0q2nf1d8z2

Photos below taken by Alex Noble

My review of the TV series Normal People + Black Lives Matter protests - Social Media.

Things are looking up. I received notification that the gym will be reopening soon for classes. I had to stop painting for a little while, as I could not find some materials but now I have started painting again. I am really happy that my favourite art shop is open again, so I was able to get a couple more canvases and books. What I realised during the lockdown is that I don't really need to shop generally, but I have been happy to see bookshops, art shops, record stores open again. I bought a couple of books this week, it was so exciting to go back to the bookshop and art shop. I am so happy I have been able to see some of my friends, that has made all the difference.

Normal People by Sally Rooney, image courtesy of Pinterest.

To distract myself from the pandemic and the news I re-read the book Normal People by Sally Rooney,  I was looking forward to see how it did get adapted for the TV screen. I have to say they have done a good job, as it's not an easy book to transport on a screen, the language is not difficult but it is written in a minimalist way.

Marianne & Connell, image courtesy of Pinterest

It starts with two main characters Marianne & Connell, who both attend the same high school, but their social backgrounds and families are opposite to each other. Marianne comes from a wealthy background and has no friends, she is studious and not liked by the other kids in school. Connell instead is very popular at school, is popular among his sports club, and his family his working class. Connell's mother is the cleaner in Marianne's house. Their mothers could not be more different, while Connell's mother is warm & grounded, Marianne's mother is an emotional iceberg. Both Marianne and Connell lack a father figure in their life.

Marianne & Connell, start seeing each other in secret, Connell is worried about his reputation among his peers, about seeing Marianne.

Image courtesy of Pinterest.

There is plenty of sex but it's not just about the sex, it is more about them expressing their identity though sex or not, more a journey of self discovery, questioning one's own place in the world, things said and not said which then go and affect the relationship. Questioning with whom one is friends? Is it truly friendship? If your boyfriend or girlfriend has friends you can't stand and vice-versa can the relationship last? Can you survive as a couple if you come from very different social backgrounds? What if your partner is also your only true friend, how does that affect the relationship?

Image courtesy of Pinterest.

Or they just fell into each other  just because they are in the same group at school, even if Marianne is the outsider there. It's also about isolation. In Marianne's case her wealthy family sets her apart from the rest of  group in school. Do the other kids bully her because she is wealthy? Are they envious of her because she is smart? Marianne is strong at answering back in school to her peers but she has no voice at home. Connell is popular on the surface but in the University years he suffers from depression and isolation after the death of a friend. Both Connell & Marianne have low self worth which they need to work through and which manifests itself in different ways. Marianne will be supportive of Connell. There is a reversing of roles when they both go to the same University in Dublin to study. While Marianne in high school was the misunderstood loner, at University she has a group of friends with whom she is comfortable and who are from a similar background, and she is able to open up more and be herself more;  Connell, however, feels lonely and isolated, he fails to make any real connections with other students in Dublin, and deep down he misses his friends from back home with whom he feels more comfortable. He misses the sense of community he was part of in high school but was it real or just apparent? There is a lot about toxic masculinity and being at the receiving end of it but also Connell's vulnerability as a man is shown up.

Image courtesy of Pinterest.

I also found interesting that Marianne's toxic family, the way she is treated at home, expresses itself through her sexuality especially while she is studying at University.

The story shows how they go through misunderstandings and things left unsaid; how in high school they are stuck in their roles of nerd and jock, while at University they evolve but still have issues communicating with each other.  

It's a sensitive portrait about growing up but it is not your average rom-com, it is multilayered, it stays with you, the pain, the confusion, the joy they feel. It made me want to go and visit Dublin, though I did find at times the accents hard to understand but it is beautifully shot with muted colours, lots of close ups like in a still life painting.  From the outside they might look like Normal People but they aren't really, they are both complex characters and that's what makes it good to watch.

Black Lives Matter protests - Social Media.

What a couple of weeks! We had Black Lives Matter protests both here in England and the USA, hopefully bringing positive change. There is a lot of suffering and injustice and a lot of healing that needs to be done, and proper legislation to make people in power more accountable. The lack of jobs for a lot of people pushed some into protest, the media showing division and unrest, it's important during a crisis to look out for each other and to practise self care. Also the the toppling of statues here in England, a pivotal, unprecedented moment. Some people protesting because they mean it, others out of boredom. Shops have reopened, the streets have been busy lately, some people wear masks others do not, it's good that one can choose whether to wear it or not without being told off by strangers. It is obligatory to wear a mask on public transport anyhow, I also wear a mask, now inside of shops because it is more busy. It is still weird that people can go to the shops but not back to the office, or schools. I have seen people just going fast in their cars, just out of boredom.

Some people have been arguing about the lockdown (unlike Brexit where one can agree to disagree), lockdown measures have gone deeper, they affect one's daily life. Some people have lost friends because of the lockdown, due to the fact they didn't follow the lockdown at all, or the opposite they follow it very strictly, so they have been arguing about it and are no longer talking to each other, more disruption to the disruption. Luckily this is not my case but I have heard of others going through this which has been a rather unsettling, isolating and painful experience for some.

Nowadays with social media everything has become over-simplified, people are either good or bad, but actually they can also be both at the same time. Some past figures overgeneralised and over simplified, this has created  a lack of figures one can look up to because everybody gets torn down. The reality is nobody is perfect, nobody can survive this high level of scrutiny & self righteousness of social media, many people have turned into armchair judges.  On social media you are either for or against something, the over simplified way of communicating on it with people you don't know well or at all, and the fact that one can write anonymously, increases antagonistic aggressive behaviour in some. If you don't support a specific cause or protest online you can get criticised for not supporting the cause, which might not be the case. Some people are taking up causes temporarily because it is fashionable, it makes them look good on social media and in a period with no sense of purpose when schools are shut, and a lot of people are out of work, it gives them temporarily a sense of purpose. Social media is a platform for a lot of people that don't have voice on mainstream media to share their thoughts, but with so many people screaming online is there anybody listening any more?

Mirta Imperatori Copyright 2020

My review of Shtisel on Netflix. Israeli drama series. Highly recommended.

I never thought I would get hooked on a drama about an Orthodox Jewish family living in Geula, Jerusalem, but I am; it's totally engrossing, the script, the storylines that deal with common issues people confront, and it gives an insight into their community which one would normally not have. The series follow the lives of  the children of Rabbi Sulem Shtisel, the patriarch of the family, played by Doval'e Glickman and Rabbi of the local Yeshiva. His youngest child is Aki, played by Michael Aloni, my favourite character because he is an aspiring artist who gets constantly put down by his over-bearing religious father. At any opportunity the father belittles him, telling him that he should follow more closely the Torah, not art, and that he should get married. 

Rabbi Shtisel, Aki, Elisheva photo courtesy of Netflix

The father is friends with the matchmaker, who is instructed to find a suitable bride for Aki. He finds a nice young woman of similar age to Aki but Aki is in love with a two times widow and single mother whose child is in Aki's classroom, she is beautiful and her name is Elisheva played by Eyelet Zurer; she wants to escape Jerusalem, her tightly packed neighbourhood, and her past, and she listens to popular music on the Sabbath, so bending the rules. The widow is a complex character who is weighted down by her dead husbands, but she is also rather independent and works in a bank. Aki's father is opposed to his love for the widow, he thinks she is too problematic. Even the widow herself is not sure about going out with Aki because she is older than him.  In a particular scene in her house she removes her wig and shows Aki her grey hair, but he doesn't care. He is a dreamer, an idealist, and throughout the series you hope that he comes out of his father's shadow,  and that he builds a stronger voice for himself, makes more art, and basically that he will be able to stand up to his father and make his own way through art.

Aki has several chance encounters in Jerusalem, with firstly an art dealer who wants him to make pictures for him which he wants to sell with his own name on, which I thought was appalling.

Aki, photo courtesy of Pinterest.

Than there is Giti, played by Neta Riskin, the daughter of Rabbi Sulem Shtisel who is married to Lippe, they have five children. Lippe Weiss, played by Zohar Strauss, goes to Argentina for work but he has some sort of crisis with his religious beliefs and he disappears. Giti Weiss thinks he is gone with another woman but it seems that Lippe see pic below, went rather through an existential crisis with the orthodox way of life in Argentina and just wanted to get away from it all, basically leaving his wife to fend for herself and her children; she is proactive and inventive in ways of getting money for her family.

Giti with her children - photo courtesy of Vertigo Magazine.

Lippe Weiss photo courtesy of Netflix.

Than there is the grandmother played by Hanna Riber in season 1, while in season 2 she is now played by Lea Koening. She has been put in a care home, and gets her first TV in the room; this causes a stir with the son Rabbi Shtisel as she is not supposed to watch TV but read religious books, according to her son. The grandmother really enjoys watching TV, she has one friend inside the care home who is wealthy, swears, and is rather prickly.

Grandmother Season 1 -  photo courtesy of Netflix.

I also liked the teenage character Ruchami played by Shira Hass (who also features in Unorthodox) who is at the receiving end of her father's decision to run away in Argentina and leave his family behind; she has to cope with her mother Giti's inner conflict towards her husband, her duties as a wife, and the good name of the family. Ruchami is strong-willed, and secretly in  love with a very studious boy, but will he be right for her? Is the studious boy capable of running a family in a practical sense? He might be studious but he could be a terrible husband, not providing for his family in the future. Ruchami is trying to find a husband for herself to get away from the problems at home with her parents; she has an idealised view of marriage, she is trying to go for someone the opposite of her father. 

Ruchami with her parents photo courtesy of Pinterest.

We see the third son of the Rabbi Shtisel, Zvi Arye Shtisel and his wife Tovi Shtisel,  how being together all the time, with kids on top, can kill any love all together. They both seem more like functional cohabitants than a happy couple. 

Men and women also sleep in separate beds, there is no nudity, no bad language, it's actually refreshing to see this. Everything is done with gestures, expressions, it's a very sensitive intimate portrait of daily life and daily squabbles with each other. The struggle between secular Israel and the religious orthodox side of it, between personal aspirations and what you are expected to do by your community and your family who follow a prescribed way of life (the Haredi customs); sometimes the two don't reconcile causing inner conflict with the characters which make it really accessible and a joy to watch. Some are also more open to secular lifestyle like Aki going to art galleries, or his friend owning smart phones and playing video games online.

This is also given strength by the flash backs, for example of Giti's meeting Lippe which make the whole story line even more painful to watch. 

There are also light humorous episodes; in one we see Rabbi Shtisel asking a non orthodox woman a lot younger than him to marry him. It is meticulously done, from the dresses they wear, to the beards and the hats. They say a blessing everytime they eat or drink. First time dating between man and woman happens in public hotel lobbies.

It is really a joy to watch. I really hope there will be a third season.

The easing of the lockdown. Write it down & let it go.

I have been painting every day in the last couple of weeks with what I have found available, so a limited range both in terms of paints and canvases, due to most shops being shut and difficulties in getting things online. I am still happy I have been able to make more art. The only shops open are the postoffice/newsagent, a couple of take away shops, supermarkets and the pharmacy. The town has got busier since the lockdown has been eased. I still go and shop in the small supermarket, hardly any queues and they have got most essentials. Now people can meet a friend at a distance while exercising, though the guidelines from the Government have been rather confusing. Several people in the Cabinet had the Coronavirus and have recovered, which is very positive. It's been an up and down couple of weeks, coming out of lockdown and seeing more people has made some people feel more anxious.

I said I was not going to use Zoom but after two months of lockdown, and my friends pestering me with it, I have finally used it and chatted with my friends abroad. I also participated in a zoom afternoon tea, a zoom meditation, a zoom workout & a zoom party! It doesn't replace face to face contact but it is useful to keep in touch. I find focusing on the screen while talking tiresome after a while.

My favourite day is Sunday when there is no building work across the road and it's quiet, it's a real treat, I can sit in the garden in peace. Builders have been working on Saturdays too, so it's been unnerving to see people working inside a house but not being allowed yourself some peace and quite during the lockdown. The sound of chainsaws.... I was thinking what are they building? Log cabins in that mansion?! Maybe they where cutting tiles.. How many bathrooms do they have? It's been going on for weeks, weekends included. 

My neighbour is convinced that the Government is trying to break us down mentally after the lockdown. I am planning to get a pair of noise cancelling headphones as well, my friend sent me some background white noise which I tried it this evening and I love it, I felt so relaxed just listening to a monotonic noisy sound.

The neighbour upstairs, nice guy, bit of an odd ball, keeps the radio on at night,  so to get some sleep can take a while. I have noticed that the noises sound a lot louder and you can get fixed on them. On Sunday when I went for a walk another walker came up to me (still at a distance) saying he was feeling depressed, said that the noises outside were driving him mad (they were doing up his road). I just told him, everything seems louder when you stay in the same small environment for hours and hours, when everything is shut, with no cars or aeroplanes which generally muffle other noises. We both agreed that a lot people in lockdown have been obsessing about things without their normal structure in place. We are stressed in different ways not knowing what is going to happen next, and having little control on our surrounding environment. The walker said he felt better by talking to me, said he had not spoken to anybody in weeks. I thanked him too, a problem shared is an easier problem to deal with.

Some of my friends have been going on and on about the same point, the same person that doesn't meet their expectations on different days. It's like the mind has gone into lockdown, into some weird stuck coping mechanism that repeats itself endlessly. You feel bad about it, you don't want to talk about your particular fixation but you can't help yourself and than you feel better when you find others have been obsessing on something as well. Then you feel you don't want to talk about it anymore but you start again the following day repeating the same exact things. 

Suddenly I find myself worrying about my neighbours' dog. He was sent away, taken by a man in a van,  he was a big loveable dog, lots of energy, maybe he was too large and energetic or was he just sent on holiday? He has not come back. I really liked him.. I wanted to volunteer to take the dog out to help them out but maybe that is not allowed by the Government! So I didn't. I mean some people think dogs are robots that are just there to catch the newspaper and they get rid of pets when it doesn't suit them anymore, when they don't behave as they want.  Pets are not for  just a couple of months but for life.

Some parents with children are enjoying the lockdown and hate the office environments, the politics that goes with it, because they don't have to commute and have more time to spend with their kids. Also people with comfortable homes who have plenty of space to self isolate and work. It just tells you in what an unequal world we live.

I always feel better when I am able to go out for a walk and I am in nature. Today was a beautiful sunny day, the air so clean. It was more crowded outside which felt weird being used to empty roads.

People will think more carefully where they go and live after this lockdown, I think they will go more for houses with space and a garden.  Somewhere comfortable, peaceful where one can self isolate in peace and work from home easily, having said that I am not sure how easy this will be due to the high population density of the UK.  I wonder if more people from London will buy houses in the countryside or near the coast, but most of the jobs are in London and a lot of people commute from far away to get to work; this needs changing so that more people can work from home or commute at staggered times.

Anyway I am grateful for my friendly neighbours in my building. It's still a beautiful sunny evening and I am still painting. My friends, some of whom have been stuck abroad, are all fine and I am grateful that we didn't get Covid19 in the autumn of 2019, and  so we avoided having a full winter of it. My best friend with cancer is better and my neighbours' black cat sits on my shoes with me in the garden, he is more friendly towards me now and he likes to be stroked; because I have been sitting more often in the garden he is getting used to me, we both enjoy each others company now.

It's Sunday I am sitting in the garden with  a cup of tea and a slice of chocolate roulade, naughty, very naughty..

Copyright 2020 Mirta Imperatori 

Week three and four of lockdown. Don't overthink about what you can't control.

Easter was good, peace and quiet, no builders working all day in the buildings opposite mine.

The sound of silence the most precious gift.

I even managed to get a Chocolate egg, and fish & chips for Easter, I could not find any roast. It was unusual to have fish & chips on Easter Day, but than I found the roast on Easter Monday, my flatmate was very happy about this. We had a proper meal on Easter Monday. I ate too much chocolate on Monday and I was really sick on Tuesday, so I didn't get any sympathy about that. I am pleased to say I am feeling better this evening.  

With the lockdown we are going through some weird communist experiment, queuing at the supermarkets to get in, being told what to do by the Government without questioning it, empty shelves in some supermarkets with only essentials available!

The Government has now agreed the lockdown will go on for another three weeks. My diary is empty. I think the lockdown will go on for a lot longer than three weeks here.

In these unusual circumstances it's very important to keep doing things that are familiar even if it is a small thing like eating your favourite food with your flatmate, to keep some resemblance of normality and stability.

One of my friends has been feeling depressed watching the amazing houses of people on Instagram; she is stuck in a small shared flat on the other side of London. I told her to watch Slavoj Zizek instead giving interviews on Zoom with his camera on his lap... She laughed..

I said to her best to not compare oneself or your living space with that of others on Instagram, I know it is easily done especially if you spend a lot of time on Instagram. I told her to stop watching some of the people there, all the self centred narcissists on there with supposedly wonderful places, who prepare fantastic meals, they are actually really boring, they are starting all to look kind of the same. I told her to focus on herself: take up a hobby, sign up to a course online, learn a language, spend time online with interesting people with ideas not following some boring narcissists on Instagram. Wake up! Nobody has a perfect life. Look for more interesting people on Instagram, with more quality accounts or ditch it all together if it is make you feel worse about yourself.

Don't compare what you are  going through if your country is in a lockdown with your friends in countries which are not under a lockdown, who are still working outside with others, hugging and kissing, they might not understand what it means practising social distancing, not to be able to visit your friends in person. At times you might feel jealous of your friend who lives in a country that is not in a lockdown (Sweden), or that his/her country have better testing than yours like Germany, and have fewer deaths than your country, or that in their country the Government was more prepared than yours and did more testing and spent more money on hospitals, doctors and nurses than your Government does. This might make you feel angry, it's normal! 

I am mentioning this because a lot of people actually share a flat in London with lots of other people, most of the time strangers not family or a partner and they don't have access to a garden and are on low wages. Not only in their 20's sometimes they are in their 40's and 50's due to high rents and being stuck for years in low paid jobs, especially in the arts. Living in cramped flats, some of them also provide essential services while putting their lives at risk (carers, nursing, customer service, pharmacists etc) to others but they don't seem to have much of a voice in the main stream media and they should be paid a lot more than they are at the moment. Fancy risking your life for the minimum wage? Without them a lot of the self-obsessed narcissists online and the wealthy would not be able to manage anything by themselves, they depend on others in order to be successful. The whole myth that they got to the top by themselves is nonsense, is just a story to sell as part of their PR package.

Some of my friends are surprised when I am not online. I can be off line, not checking anything, also doing nothing at all, relaxing, recharging is really important, not being constantly on the go and showing off to others. Do you have to be on zoom to talk to people? No you don't have to. If that helps you, great; personally I find it intrusive and I don't use it. I am  happy just reading a book or listening to music. I don't need to be endlessly online updating my profile, I mean who cares?Obviously I enjoy communicating with people online when I feel like it.  You will be surprised to find out actually that you can be happy without being digitally connected at all, even in a lockdown, depending on how well you take isolation. But for some  people being on Facebook, chatting on Twitter with others or through WhatsApp is helping them stay sane and connected, it's a personal choice.

I told my friend to look out more for positive news; for example there was an article today saying that autistics & people with learning disabilities are allowed to go out more than once per day which in a way is a good thing for people who are highly hyperactive.

In a lockdown you might focus more on certain things and not always feel positive.  I have been thinking about the fact that people that work in care homes have not been given appropriate gear, protection PPE, when they are working and also front line staff in hospitals have been dying for not having the right protective gear. I have been thinking, instead of all clapping in support of the NHS workers (who are doing an amazing job) the Government should give them the protective gear (PPE) they need in order  to be safe and to work efficiently, and pay them appropriately. Instead of sending them out wearing plastic handkerchiefs.

In a lockdown due to lack of movement and being stuck in the same space for many hours, one tends to overthink things; I was obsessing about the economy collapsing with all businesses being shut, lack of food, which really I can't do anything about. Another day I was obsessing about all of the above obsessive thoughts I have been having, and not to be able to do much in terms of helping.

Another day, my mind was just focusing on the ambulances going up and down the main road, it was challenging.  If this is happening to you as well, your thoughts are creating extra stress, try to distract your mind by doing a workout, or watching a movie, doing something enjoyable or something else that will focus your attention on something more positive.

I was thinking how am I going to manage these high noise levels from the building work? By breaking the day. Have a nice breakfast, do a workout, keep earplugs on, and when the noise is at the highest from building work, which is generally in the afternoon, go for a walk, or listen to music. My favourite time is from 5:30 onwards because all the building work stops then. It's nice and peaceful again. So I try to tell myself that the noise will not last forever, there are things I can do to feel better, that I am not trapped.

Basically focus on what you can do, and not on the things you can't control, like external work, it takes practice and persistence to retrain the brain, one is not successful straightaway, I still have had bad days and good days. I am highly sensitive to external sensory stimuli. But now I am retraining  to work more late at night because it's more quiet and I sleep during the day so I don't hear the noise.

Overall I much prefer being in nature, I feel supported by nature.

I find working out  as well, doing weights, helps clearing the head from too many negative thoughts.

Focusing on nature, the beautiful flowers, the trees, the lovely sunny weather, the clean air and chatting to my friendly neighbours ( at a distance of course). We support each other and that improves my mental wellbeing and theirs.

Repeat to yourself like a mantra. I am grateful I am alive no matter the circumstances, we will get through this like previous generations did before us.

How I am managing the Coronavirus. Week two of lockdown.

It's the second week of lockdown and I have settled in to some sort of routine. I have been supporting isolated elderly friends on the phone, chatting to friends all round the world from Japan to Sweden to Korea. I still miss my friends greatly, not being able to see them has been challenging but we have been keeping in contact regularly which has helped. I am looking forward to Easter,  a nice meal maybe.

Sadly in the last couple of days we have been told the Prime Minister Boris Johnson was admitted to hospital on Sunday, now in intensive care which is worrying; on the other hand Chris Whitty recovered from the Coronavirus, some good news. The speech by the Queen cheered me up. I met her several times and she was always great, friendly, professional. She gave a really good speech, it inspired me especially with Boris being ill and the country edgy. I was worried when Boris said he was still shaking people's hands; I was thinking don't do that, you will catch it. Sadly I was right.

At times I have been feeling very tired, the big change in routine and the unfolding news,  but meditation has helped with this, it changes from day to day. I think it is important also to recognise self care when one is tired, to put boundaries with people  who are overly negative and just drain your energy normally and even more so now. It's ok to say no if you are not feeling 100%. The pandemic has brought out the best and the worst in people. There is a lady who is amazing, she leaves things to pick up outside of her house (obviously you have to pick them up with gloves) I got a couple of really new good classical CD's and she writes inspiring messages for people to pick up, or leaves flowers out. People like her are an asset. Then you get some unfriendly joggers who run all over the place with no sense of social distancing or saying hello, no smile, just miserable, I just ignore them back.

I seem to be more sensitive to things around me. The bees buzzing around, the birds flying, with very few people about, one notices every little thing. The eagle again was flying high in the sky. One good thing about the current situation is fewer cars on the road, the air is a lot cleaner,  rabbits running around which you have never seen before, also I am enjoying the quiet.

The media this weekend have been obsessing about sunbathers due to the sudden warm weather, I feel they are a minority, I have never seen any around. Obviously in higher populated areas where people have no access to gardens and share a flat, people will tend to go out more to the park to cope mentally, maybe more so than those who live in smaller towns or rural areas where they are hardly near anybody and have access to plenty of space.  What the Government should be focusing on is testing more like in Germany where they have had so far a low mortality rate because they have been testing so much. Also I find the advice by the Government that people with fever should self isolate a bit narrow. Some coronavirus patients have not had any fever,  some of them experienced just a cold with no fever at the beginning or aches in the body and extreme tiredness with no fever, pain in their eyes or heavy chest.

In the supermarket it's difficult to find everything you need in one session, some things have completely sold out or there is very little left or you can't carry everything without a car which complicates trips meaning you will have to go more often.

Online all the slots have been taken and there are no slots available to book so I was not able to order anything online. I have not been able to find any tinned tomatoes so I made tomato sauce to use on pasta from fresh tomatoes. Fresh tomatoes are still available luckily. The supermarket and the pharmacy have put up plastic screens at the tills which is good news for people working there to keep them and us safe, I have been worrying about them. They enforced an In & Out going through for people and they only allow a certain number of people inside, which has been very helpful.

I didn't feel as anxious going to the supermarket and the pharmacy since last week there were very few people  inside both of them and I didn't have to queue which was great. 

Obviously I am following Government guidelines generally and I stay 2 metres away from people but there was hardly anybody inside the supermarket, literally three people... Maybe because it is a small supermarket (but there aren't any queues to get in);  it is the large ones where there have been rather long queues.  Some of the things the small supermarket has are the more expensive staff like organic fruit and organic vegetables but they also have low priced non organic vegetables, just not a wide range. I am just happy I can still find fresh fruit & vegetable, yoghurt and nice coffee. During the panic buying I bought some cheap coffee because I could not find the one I usually take and it tasted really awful.

Pasta has suddenly shot up to one pound extra and there wasn't much left but I still managed to get  a bag of it, it will last a while. Same with meat & fish only the expensive staff was left so I didn't take any, I bought tofu instead, chicken is still available at an average price though. One of my friends is ordering everything on Amazon Prime so they are having everything delivered that way, but some other friends told me that only people who have been with them for a while get deliveries quickly, if you sign up now you might not get a delivery with them and with other supermarkets, one elderly friend of mine found out there were no slots available online which was a bit of a problem as they live in the middle of nowhere!

The week has gone quickly; it's amazing how we adapt to changes so quickly, I am sticking to a routine and I find what helps me the most at the moment is working out and keeping in touch with my friends online. I am trying to avoid the news but is not easy, I slipped yesterday and watched the news.

Copyright Mirta Imperatori 2020

How I am managing the Coronavirus. Week one of lockdown.

A fracture happened. Life like it used to be, going out to get your latte, going to work, seeing your friends, travel, doing anything you want but really not noticing all the freedoms you had. And now since waking up to the Coronavirus that's all gone. You can't see your friends, most of the shops are boarded up or they have shut down.  Before, you could buy anything you wanted in the supermarket at any time, now you have to queue while keeping to a two metre distance, only a certain amount of people are allowed in and out of the supermarket, only a few items are available. You can only go out for one walk per day and only for essential shopping. 

Overnight we went from you can do anything and everything you want, to you need to stay at home and do what you are told. If you don't do what you are told the police can fine you and arrest you. A policeman stopped my friend yesterday and asked him where he was going. He replied; I am going to the supermarket to buy some food... While in the street there were several criminals they didn't get stopped. I hope the British police is not turning into the Stasi, England is not turning into Eastern Germany in the 1960's.. Where your neighbour is no longer your friend, but is the person that is spying on you and telling the police how many times you have gone out. With the Coronavirus, hysteria seemed to have kicked in, first shown with massive panic buying and now with people spying on each other. 

How am I managing this massive change?

I just take at day at a time. I meditate regularly, I stick to a regime schedule, I find pulling weights   major stress releaser same with meditation. While the media seem to push their own agenda of complete lockdown, the mental consequences of this on people are not given much thought. If a Government puts in place a long term lockdown it should give clear guidance, rules, put support in place for example by having phone lines open to speak to councillors or someone on a regular basis. No such thing is in place at the moment, people will start experiencing cabin fever and get depressed.

Also there are a lot of people living in substandard accommodation in the Uk where they can't swing a cat around let alone self isolate, a prison cell as a room would be more comfortable.  I stick to a daily routine. 

But I am deeply concerned about abuse of power by the police. I am scared when I am inside the supermarket not to go to close to other people, to stay well clear of them. Going to the supermarket is no longer a pleasurable activity, I just want to get in and get out and go in as little as possible in fear of getting Coronavirus while in a closed space. 

The other person no longer a friend but someone you want to avoid. Some people have been friendly, others not so. Town is deserted, there is an eery silence both at night and in the morning, it is really unnerving, no planes flying. What I find worst is not seeing my friends that live on the other side of town. A stranger came up to me on my essential walk to the supermarket and said he was very depressed and lonely and scared.  I told him to stay strong and if he needs support to call the Samaritans. 

I feel at peace when I am meditating, I do get anxious on and off at times so I cut down my time on social media, I cut down also watching the news.  I think what worries me the most is not Coronavirus (frankly yes it is bad but 17000 people died of the flu alone in England between 2018 -2019) is abuse of power by the police and civil unrest and not be able to access food. 

I have seen several single men doing laps in their sports cars, maybe it's a way for them to destress. A family playing football in the park, such things that used to be normal that under lockdown now are no longer happening.  Also the Coronavirus is highlighting the inequality between people in England, people who are poor and in terrible accommodation sharing facilities with others (not family, strangers) are going to be hit the hardest. The wealthy & the middle classes in their mansions and houses with access to gardens will find it easier to self isolate or go outside less. 

I really hope they can test everybody and find who is immune so we can go back to work and carry the country forward. A country in lockdown is no way of living long term, cooped up at home watching too much tv and eating a lot, the only thing you will get from this is a heart attack.

I find sticking to a schedule really helpful: exercise, have a daily walk, chat to friends online, listening to music, reading, meditating. I just live in the moment. I have been more tuned into nature, animals, and tuned out from news media outlets generally. Enjoying the little things, like the fact that I have a tea and I can make myself a nice cappuccino at home. Or that I had a nice meal, listening to my friends voices on the phone.

I don't have space to paint and that's been challenging.

What I miss most is hugs, going to the gym, my friends at the gym and the trainers, I miss my friends loads. Having a nice coffee outside. I miss the library.  I would love an iPad so at least I could paint digitally but they are so expensive. Before the shops shut down I didn't manage to get a paper cutter, I still can't get one online. Online companies are not shipping non essentials.. People have different ways of coping some people have a lot of energy and they need more exercise.

I am practising social distancing, people have been overall friendly, but it is still strange every time someone comes along on the street. I move away or they move away. Some people are not friendly so I just ignore them. No time to waste with them. I enjoy people's company but I also enjoy sitting in silence in meditation, I don't feel I need to be connected all the time with others thorough video conferencing chats.

Time also has gone weird, I never know any more which day it is, is Monday or Thursday?

Something I have never done before is pulling weights in the middle of the night and practicing martial arts exercise. All the training I did with Tibetan & Chinese monks years ago is actually coming in handy now. I remember  being in the different temples with them, and I feel better, their faces, robes, rigour, peacefulness what I have learned from them gives me hope, it gives me strength.

This is after just one week of the lockdown..

Copyright Mirta Imperatori 2020

My sculptures made of discarded objects found in the river Thames.

I managed to move across London even when we were getting hit by storm Ciara to work on  an art project, I have plenty of determination. I was glad to get back all in one piece though. Central London was half deserted including the underground, which was lovely, while the homeless were sheltering inside the entrance of the tube station. I had to avoid several junkies while I was getting back, poverty has been hitting more people.

During my MA I worked with found objects & photography, recently objects found in the River Thames. I turn them into sculptures, giving them a new meaning and new lease of life.  I was amazed by the wide ranging selection of discarded objects from glass to plastic objects, to tennis balls to baby items, also highlighting the high levels of junk thrown into the river, thinking about what happens to waste, questioning our consumeristic society. How waste retains (especially plastic) or loses some of its structure and the impact of this on our environment, but also how it can be reused putting discarded products into new use. 

My Digital Artwork + I have been selected for the ArtBox Project in Barcelona.

It's all happening at the moment with Brexit and Coronavirus. Just a month ago I finished reading a book about a pandemic..  Instead of focusing on the chaos out there, I have been concentrating on making more artwork, doing positive things in my life that enrich it. My digital artwork has also been selected by ArtBox Project for an exhibition in Barcelona which is exciting, see pic below. 

I am also republishing my digital artwork from 2006-2007.  I find it rather amusing that after 13 years of my digital artwork being online,  now lots of people are interested in it and want to buy it and tell me that I was a pioneer in the field; particularly when considering that I was using what nowadays would be thought of as rather rudimentary equipment to make it.