Week three and four of lockdown. Don't overthink about what you can't control.

Easter was good, peace and quiet, no builders working all day in the buildings opposite mine.

The sound of silence the most precious gift.

I even managed to get a Chocolate egg, and fish & chips for Easter, I could not find any roast. It was unusual to have fish & chips on Easter Day, but than I found the roast on Easter Monday, my flatmate was very happy about this. We had a proper meal on Easter Monday. I ate too much chocolate on Monday and I was really sick on Tuesday, so I didn't get any sympathy about that. I am pleased to say I am feeling better this evening.  

With the lockdown we are going through some weird communist experiment, queuing at the supermarkets to get in, being told what to do by the Government without questioning it, empty shelves in some supermarkets with only essentials available!

The Government has now agreed the lockdown will go on for another three weeks. My diary is empty. I think the lockdown will go on for a lot longer than three weeks here.

In these unusual circumstances it's very important to keep doing things that are familiar even if it is a small thing like eating your favourite food with your flatmate, to keep some resemblance of normality and stability.

One of my friends has been feeling depressed watching the amazing houses of people on Instagram; she is stuck in a small shared flat on the other side of London. I told her to watch Slavoj Zizek instead giving interviews on Zoom with his camera on his lap... She laughed..

I said to her best to not compare oneself or your living space with that of others on Instagram, I know it is easily done especially if you spend a lot of time on Instagram. I told her to stop watching some of the people there, all the self centred narcissists on there with supposedly wonderful places, who prepare fantastic meals, they are actually really boring, they are starting all to look kind of the same. I told her to focus on herself: take up a hobby, sign up to a course online, learn a language, spend time online with interesting people with ideas not following some boring narcissists on Instagram. Wake up! Nobody has a perfect life. Look for more interesting people on Instagram, with more quality accounts or ditch it all together if it is make you feel worse about yourself.

Don't compare what you are  going through if your country is in a lockdown with your friends in countries which are not under a lockdown, who are still working outside with others, hugging and kissing, they might not understand what it means practising social distancing, not to be able to visit your friends in person. At times you might feel jealous of your friend who lives in a country that is not in a lockdown (Sweden), or that his/her country have better testing than yours like Germany, and have fewer deaths than your country, or that in their country the Government was more prepared than yours and did more testing and spent more money on hospitals, doctors and nurses than your Government does. This might make you feel angry, it's normal! 

I am mentioning this because a lot of people actually share a flat in London with lots of other people, most of the time strangers not family or a partner and they don't have access to a garden and are on low wages. Not only in their 20's sometimes they are in their 40's and 50's due to high rents and being stuck for years in low paid jobs, especially in the arts. Living in cramped flats, some of them also provide essential services while putting their lives at risk (carers, nursing, customer service, pharmacists etc) to others but they don't seem to have much of a voice in the main stream media and they should be paid a lot more than they are at the moment. Fancy risking your life for the minimum wage? Without them a lot of the self-obsessed narcissists online and the wealthy would not be able to manage anything by themselves, they depend on others in order to be successful. The whole myth that they got to the top by themselves is nonsense, is just a story to sell as part of their PR package.

Some of my friends are surprised when I am not online. I can be off line, not checking anything, also doing nothing at all, relaxing, recharging is really important, not being constantly on the go and showing off to others. Do you have to be on zoom to talk to people? No you don't have to. If that helps you, great; personally I find it intrusive and I don't use it. I am  happy just reading a book or listening to music. I don't need to be endlessly online updating my profile, I mean who cares?Obviously I enjoy communicating with people online when I feel like it.  You will be surprised to find out actually that you can be happy without being digitally connected at all, even in a lockdown, depending on how well you take isolation. But for some  people being on Facebook, chatting on Twitter with others or through WhatsApp is helping them stay sane and connected, it's a personal choice.

I told my friend to look out more for positive news; for example there was an article today saying that autistics & people with learning disabilities are allowed to go out more than once per day which in a way is a good thing for people who are highly hyperactive.

In a lockdown you might focus more on certain things and not always feel positive.  I have been thinking about the fact that people that work in care homes have not been given appropriate gear, protection PPE, when they are working and also front line staff in hospitals have been dying for not having the right protective gear. I have been thinking, instead of all clapping in support of the NHS workers (who are doing an amazing job) the Government should give them the protective gear (PPE) they need in order  to be safe and to work efficiently, and pay them appropriately. Instead of sending them out wearing plastic handkerchiefs.

In a lockdown due to lack of movement and being stuck in the same space for many hours, one tends to overthink things; I was obsessing about the economy collapsing with all businesses being shut, lack of food, which really I can't do anything about. Another day I was obsessing about all of the above obsessive thoughts I have been having, and not to be able to do much in terms of helping.

Another day, my mind was just focusing on the ambulances going up and down the main road, it was challenging.  If this is happening to you as well, your thoughts are creating extra stress, try to distract your mind by doing a workout, or watching a movie, doing something enjoyable or something else that will focus your attention on something more positive.

I was thinking how am I going to manage these high noise levels from the building work? By breaking the day. Have a nice breakfast, do a workout, keep earplugs on, and when the noise is at the highest from building work, which is generally in the afternoon, go for a walk, or listen to music. My favourite time is from 5:30 onwards because all the building work stops then. It's nice and peaceful again. So I try to tell myself that the noise will not last forever, there are things I can do to feel better, that I am not trapped.

Basically focus on what you can do, and not on the things you can't control, like external work, it takes practice and persistence to retrain the brain, one is not successful straightaway, I still have had bad days and good days. I am highly sensitive to external sensory stimuli. But now I am retraining  to work more late at night because it's more quiet and I sleep during the day so I don't hear the noise.

Overall I much prefer being in nature, I feel supported by nature.

I find working out  as well, doing weights, helps clearing the head from too many negative thoughts.

Focusing on nature, the beautiful flowers, the trees, the lovely sunny weather, the clean air and chatting to my friendly neighbours ( at a distance of course). We support each other and that improves my mental wellbeing and theirs.

Repeat to yourself like a mantra. I am grateful I am alive no matter the circumstances, we will get through this like previous generations did before us.