A fracture happened. Life like it used to be, going out to get your latte, going to work, seeing your friends, travel, doing anything you want but really not noticing all the freedoms you had. And now since waking up to the Coronavirus that's all gone. You can't see your friends, most of the shops are boarded up or they have shut down. Before, you could buy anything you wanted in the supermarket at any time, now you have to queue while keeping to a two metre distance, only a certain amount of people are allowed in and out of the supermarket, only a few items are available. You can only go out for one walk per day and only for essential shopping.
Overnight we went from you can do anything and everything you want, to you need to stay at home and do what you are told. If you don't do what you are told the police can fine you and arrest you. A policeman stopped my friend yesterday and asked him where he was going. He replied; I am going to the supermarket to buy some food... While in the street there were several criminals they didn't get stopped. I hope the British police is not turning into the Stasi, England is not turning into Eastern Germany in the 1960's.. Where your neighbour is no longer your friend, but is the person that is spying on you and telling the police how many times you have gone out. With the Coronavirus, hysteria seemed to have kicked in, first shown with massive panic buying and now with people spying on each other.
How am I managing this massive change?
I just take at day at a time. I meditate regularly, I stick to a regime schedule, I find pulling weights major stress releaser same with meditation. While the media seem to push their own agenda of complete lockdown, the mental consequences of this on people are not given much thought. If a Government puts in place a long term lockdown it should give clear guidance, rules, put support in place for example by having phone lines open to speak to councillors or someone on a regular basis. No such thing is in place at the moment, people will start experiencing cabin fever and get depressed.
Also there are a lot of people living in substandard accommodation in the Uk where they can't swing a cat around let alone self isolate, a prison cell as a room would be more comfortable. I stick to a daily routine.
But I am deeply concerned about abuse of power by the police. I am scared when I am inside the supermarket not to go to close to other people, to stay well clear of them. Going to the supermarket is no longer a pleasurable activity, I just want to get in and get out and go in as little as possible in fear of getting Coronavirus while in a closed space.
The other person no longer a friend but someone you want to avoid. Some people have been friendly, others not so. Town is deserted, there is an eery silence both at night and in the morning, it is really unnerving, no planes flying. What I find worst is not seeing my friends that live on the other side of town. A stranger came up to me on my essential walk to the supermarket and said he was very depressed and lonely and scared. I told him to stay strong and if he needs support to call the Samaritans.
I feel at peace when I am meditating, I do get anxious on and off at times so I cut down my time on social media, I cut down also watching the news. I think what worries me the most is not Coronavirus (frankly yes it is bad but 17000 people died of the flu alone in England between 2018 -2019) is abuse of power by the police and civil unrest and not be able to access food.
I have seen several single men doing laps in their sports cars, maybe it's a way for them to destress. A family playing football in the park, such things that used to be normal that under lockdown now are no longer happening. Also the Coronavirus is highlighting the inequality between people in England, people who are poor and in terrible accommodation sharing facilities with others (not family, strangers) are going to be hit the hardest. The wealthy & the middle classes in their mansions and houses with access to gardens will find it easier to self isolate or go outside less.
I really hope they can test everybody and find who is immune so we can go back to work and carry the country forward. A country in lockdown is no way of living long term, cooped up at home watching too much tv and eating a lot, the only thing you will get from this is a heart attack.
I find sticking to a schedule really helpful: exercise, have a daily walk, chat to friends online, listening to music, reading, meditating. I just live in the moment. I have been more tuned into nature, animals, and tuned out from news media outlets generally. Enjoying the little things, like the fact that I have a tea and I can make myself a nice cappuccino at home. Or that I had a nice meal, listening to my friends voices on the phone.
I don't have space to paint and that's been challenging.
What I miss most is hugs, going to the gym, my friends at the gym and the trainers, I miss my friends loads. Having a nice coffee outside. I miss the library. I would love an iPad so at least I could paint digitally but they are so expensive. Before the shops shut down I didn't manage to get a paper cutter, I still can't get one online. Online companies are not shipping non essentials.. People have different ways of coping some people have a lot of energy and they need more exercise.
I am practising social distancing, people have been overall friendly, but it is still strange every time someone comes along on the street. I move away or they move away. Some people are not friendly so I just ignore them. No time to waste with them. I enjoy people's company but I also enjoy sitting in silence in meditation, I don't feel I need to be connected all the time with others thorough video conferencing chats.
Time also has gone weird, I never know any more which day it is, is Monday or Thursday?
Something I have never done before is pulling weights in the middle of the night and practicing martial arts exercise. All the training I did with Tibetan & Chinese monks years ago is actually coming in handy now. I remember being in the different temples with them, and I feel better, their faces, robes, rigour, peacefulness what I have learned from them gives me hope, it gives me strength.
This is after just one week of the lockdown..
Copyright Mirta Imperatori 2020
Thanks for sharing your insightful reflective thoughts as we all try to make sense of what is happening.
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ReplyDeleteThank you for this. I think fracture is a good word. I like your observation that, previously, our freedoms were not noticed. It takes them being reduced for us to notice them.
DeleteEven though your blog entry is stark in places, it gives me hope because it validates the emotions that I've been having and makes me think they are natural if other people are having them too. Paradoxically, even though we are isolated from each other we are going through this virus together. I very much like that you zero in on the positive things in life, like meditation, reading and talking to friends, and try to use these to outweigh the negatives such as getting stopped by the police. My own belief is that your positivity will get you through.
It is true that our collective mental wellbeing needs to be prioritised. There is great support from phonecalls from friends. Your blog entry made me think that if people are physically distant in the street, they might not necessarily be being socially or emotionally distant, they are probably just coping with things the best way they can. I like the way the stranger outside the supermarket approached you - he was able to connect with you despite all the craziness.
Finally, your comment "I just live in the moment" to me sums it up. Whether it be enjoying nature, music or a good book, this is good advice indeed. This is your weapon and it will get you through.