The summer flew by … we had a long summer and it is weird to say this but it was good in spite of Corona. I was fine till about a month ago but the fact that I can't go to galleries, museums, restaurants, bars or the gym has had an effect on my mental health somehow. I didn't even realise there was a problem but then I started feeling excluded from many activities that have reopened, especially the gym, so I have been experiencing isolation. Why do I not join in? How am I going to self-isolate with the builders outside that have not stopped working since March with such high noise levels? It would be challenging to say the least to self-isolate in a tiny environment in a shared household. So I have been avoiding the general public as much as possible.
I have recently seen a friend at a distance who I have not seen in six months and I have to admit it was great but nerve wracking at the same time. We were both worrying about standing too close to each other and about where to eat. We were wondering if the ventilation was good enough in the coffee shop. Did they wash the crockery with a dishwasher? Did the waiter wear a mask and gloves? So, in the end we decided not to go in and we just bought a takeaway and a coffee and went to the park. It was a freezing cold, rainy day, we were looking at each other in disbelief, worried, saying how are we going to manage a dark, cold winter without sitting inside coffee shops?! We used to spend the winter inside coffee shops all the time to chat, to work, now we can't! I said to her, I can't go to the gym, and I hate it. Also, the fact that my friend and I were not able to hug and kiss was weird. We gave each other a virtual, distanced hug, we discussed how everybody is confused about regulations given by the Government and is doing a different thing, and how many people feel frustrated that everyone is doing different things. One day the Government says to do one thing, the following day they say the opposite, it's been very unsettling.
Also there have been more crimes and assaults on women lately (a woman got assaulted in an area I walk in normally so it's unnerving), antisocial behaviour and violent crimes have been on the up lately. Last week I went to the park to walk late in the afternoon and there was a huge fight between two large groups of boys, they were screaming and hurling things at each other… I quickly turned back... Another day I went to the supermarket, it was Saturday and there was a boy on top of the roof of the car park who was throwing stones and hitting passers-by. Luckily I saw him so I didn't get hit. Then there are drunken people screaming and running around till the early hours. I bought myself a new set of ear plugs, they are wonderful and really do help reducing the noise outside apart from building work, I mean there is a general air of lunacy at the moment… I am happy painting, reading and listening to music.
This Government of the wealthy, that can travel, they can self-isolate, they live in mansions, they have plenty of space to do what they want, they have not been following the rules that they set up either, they have a set of rules for themselves and another for everybody else, they are out of touch. The Government are going to fine people (the plebs) who don't self-isolate implying that people don't want to self-isolate, which might not really be the case at all. It might be that some people live in multi-occupancy shared spaces and don't have the actual space to self-isolate, live in rooms with no windows, or windows that don't open; or actually several people live in dormitories which makes it impossible for them to self-isolate. This is due to years and years of high rents and some greedy landlords packing as many people as possible in tiny flats or houses to make more money. This is capitalism gone mad. I have seen ads online for a room in a small house that already had ten people, I am thinking, where do they put all these people?! I have seen ads for a tiny room with two or three beds inside, those ads should be banned but they haven't, they are still advertised.
It is an issue that has not been dealt with by successive governments, it's been going on for years and is now coming to bite us back because with so many people in small spaces, Covid will spread more easily. Instead of acknowledging this issue, the Government is not giving the population rules they can manage, they are setting impossible, unworkable standards that some people just can't follow, and then fining them. But then they do nothing about criminals normally or antisocial behaviour, but they are going to go after a random individual if they somehow are at fault with the new rules while real criminals don't care about rules, they use the opportunity to keep doing more of what they are doing.
In spite of all of this, I have been selected for another photography project in London and my lockdown diary will be part of a show in a Museum here in England. I have also been selected to show my work online in Japan, collectors have been asking me for more paintings so from the creative side I am going forward as normal as possible.
Generally I find solutions and I move forward, but this time I sometimes don't, these are unprecedented times. So I go in days where I’m tense and other days when I can focus more on what I care about.
On Saturday I took the bus and it was more full than normal and I felt very anxious, luckily I was able to get out and get on another less busy bus but I was surprised by my reaction.
So I am just taking a day at a time.
It's interesting also how the media has been bombarding us with Covid news and fear of what the Government will do next. It is affecting what we do, causing some people to feel anxious outside.
What made me laugh the other day on zoom is that one of my friends said he was scared to go back to the office and he would take a sleeping pill to calm his nerves before going in, while my other friend said, I am just drinking myself to sleep on a daily basis. And I said, that’s what it's come to!! While my friend in Paris was panicking that they have not renewed her visa and that she has not spoken to a soul face-to-face in ages and she has put on weight as well. And I said, I’ve got an underactive thyroid in winter, my thyroid is working twice as hard to produce anything even with the medication let alone all this Covid stress! So all of us are affected by this in different ways.
